Blonde & Dangerous by Richard Holmes…

My friend Misti Debonno (she’s blonde and she’s dangerous) is currently engaged in a one-woman campaign against the government in an effort to get them to scrap plans to replace coast guard stations with call centres.  They must have kept that one really quiet, for obvious reasons, because until I came across Misti’s campaign on the social networking site, twitter, I knew nothing about it.  This spoof post is my own personal tribute to Misti’s guts, determination and honesty, oh, and also to her huge heart.

You have to use your imagination now…. The scene:

The sea is raging.  A fishing boat, along with its crew, is in trouble and in danger of being swallowed up.  A call comes through to an imaginary call centre in an imaginary town, somewhere in the UK, in the not too distant future.

Did I say imaginary?  Don’t bank on it, this might be you.

Annoying recorded message:

You are through to, Coast Guards – Who Needs ‘em? In order to comply with the petty internal politics of our organisation and to meet government targets (so we can make it look as though we are doing our jobs), we need to make sure that we inconvenience you and treat you with complete and utter contempt in the correct manner.  So please listen to the following options carefully and select the one that most applies to you.

If you are drowning press 1

If you are only drowning a little bit press 2

If you are calling to pay your bill you’ve got the wrong number; but press 3 anyway

To be fobbed off by a spotty faced student on a gap year press 4

To listen to really annoying music press 5

To listen to Sandra telling Tracey about the bloke she knobbed in the bogs of the King’s Arms on Saturday night press 6

If you have been waiting so long to talk to a human being that you are now dead, please go to and you can register to have your loved ones personally patronized by David Cameron, whilst having his shoes shined by personal arse-wipe, Nick “Nicky” Clegg.

There are no more options, but….  Your call is very important to us, now fuck off, we’ve got figures to manipulate!

It only takes a few minutes to add your name to Misti’s petition so please take the time to do so.  Say NO to call centres! (*Sadly our petition is now closed having not reached the required amount of signatures, however please do contact @CoastalJoe1 to learn about their continued fight to Stop Station Closures…*)

MESSAGE FROM MISTI: It was actually a team campaign but oddly a picture of a blonde campaigning for the coastguards overrides that of a more appropriate life-saving image…Lol

Thankyou to everyone who helped with re-tweeting and dont be down because its far from over.  As @CoastalJoe1 so gallantly put it, this was just the pre-run…

I will keep in touch with my twitter bud’s, though maybe in a different format.  I love you all, even CJ who had such a delightful way of putting me in my place…*-P


8 thoughts on “Blonde & Dangerous by Richard Holmes…

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